Miracles do happen: Finding my unicorn ❤️

I never assumed that I would find true love. Sure, I hoped, but I know several people who never got married. While I recognize that ending up alone is not the norm, I often thought that could be me.

True to the clichés, when I wasn't looking and least expected it, in walks my unicorn. From our first conversation I felt an undeniable connection. Stronger than I've ever connected with anyone before. From the first text message, there were no games, just straight forward honesty and open communication about his feelings towards me. I honestly didn't know that boys could express themselves like this. At this point I got it. Honestly communicating feelings is the secret ingredient to security in a relationship. I never felt so secure, let alone happy, especially at such an early stage.  

We are so in sync. Emotionally, physically, and also in terms of family beliefs, future desires, and religion. I've never felt this before, didn't know it was possible, and can't imagine anything less. 

I told my best friend that everyone deserves to feel like this. Connected, respected, loved, appreciated. 

"The noes knows." One month in I knew. He knew. Does that happen in real life? I guess when you find your unicorn it does. 

I want to stay this happy forever, and I have no doubt that we will. The love I feel for him, the love I feel from him, is indescribable. I look into his eyes and see my everything. It's hard to imagine my life before him, and our life from here on is crystal clear. 

Pulling back vs. pulling away

As my mother will tell you, I jump into relationships head first, and that, in her opinion, is my downfall. I'm an excited and emotional person who tends not to connect with (read: like) 95% of guys, and let's be honest, girls too, that I meet. So when I do come across a unicorn, it's hard to keep my self in check. 

Risks worth taking

Risk taking is always, well, risky.  I've never been one to live life on the edge, but sometimes it's necessary.  Like when trying to figure out if the guy you've been "hanging out" with and connecting on a deeper level than you have in a long time has a fun and playful side.  I thought everyone led with their funny, laid back selves. Apparently not.  So to help the process along,  I thought of something random but not too random to text, got approval from three friends, and hit send.  While it was not a failure per say, consider this the first and last time that he will be receiving a random text from me.  He politely answered (read:  put up with my random, stupid bullshit) the texts and asked questions to keep the conversation going as appropriate.  Whether this was him putting in effort while combating his bad texter curse or just being the really nice guy I (and everyone else) knows him to be, I'll never know.  Regardless, while this risk may have been worth taking, it sure doesn't feel like it right now.

 

Those who are good texters and those who are not: The ultimate divide

It surely takes two to tango when the dance is the ultimate art of flirty texting. It takes only a text or two to determine texting chemistry. Bad texting chemistry could be from a variety of factors: texting with a bad texter or incompatible texting style to name a few. Finding yourself in such a situation leads to a sad and inevitable fate of endless frustration. Deal breaker? It just might be. 

It feels nice for the moment

Famous last words. It's this phrase that tempers my aggressiveness. I'm not looking for a quick fix, but rather the real deal. 

Reel it in

When I meet someone I'm interested in, my agressiveness kicks in. Having been on the receiving end a time or two (#brazil) keeps me in check, but still I struggle to tone down my excitement and reel in my emotions. I joke with my best friend about needing Botox (don't worry, we're waiting until were 30). But, the truth is that I'm an excitable and expressive person with a forehead of deep wrinkles to prove it. Being too aggressive is my default, and until I find someone who sees my #tooaggressive-ness as passion for life, I'll reel it in and proceed to hash it out with anyone who will listen.   

A day in the life

"Playing the game" is the worst part of dating.  The balancing act of keeping your excitement and interest in check without coming across as too aggressive is always a struggle.  All of a sudden, my confidence is shot.  I write and rewrite every text (and rewrite some more).  I mull over every word, comma, and emoticon for hours.  I think about how my text will be received and the potential responses.  And, it goes without saying that I rope one to three friends (at least) into the process for validation and a good old crazy check. 

The worst part is that who ever is on the other end doesn't think twice about my carefully crafted message.  So then why do I even question my inclinations and temper my actions?  That is an excellent question.  And thus begins my rant of a blog... 

Enjoy :)